I forgot my cross at John's *absent-mindedly*. I'm a fucking bastard, y'know?:D I long for new experience just so that I can somehow transform it into some ideas for lyrics. Honestly, what an awful person!xDD [Geez, if all of these so-called lyrics had been finished and put to music, we'd already have one or two albums xDD. Maybe I should try to make some new arrangements for the older one. Wtf, I really ought to be more serious about it.]

I'll try to do my best, honestly.

I'm gonna spend a good hour or so watching access vids this night. They make me dream again. Tear's Liberation. Liberation. I like the word. Maybe liberation is what I need. To be released from old passions, fears and what not.

Life's getting better with every minute.
I don't know whether we'll go to Japan or to the USA or to Germany someday... I just don't care as long as it's us. Sounds corny, but... it is so.
I'm gonna try to get myself some job tomorrow.

Lately there are few things that make me really feel something. The band, the Guiitar, Beck, Ryu, bro, family. So these mean everything to me :).
Several days ago I met with two girls who want to be on vocals. Well, at first it was only one of them, but then they sang together, and I have to say I was rather thrilled. I have my forecasts though, but I dunno really what will happen. Anyway, it would be great if we can all get along. I just had this [slight] 'this is it' feeling. Remembering previous vocalists I'm not so sure about anyone now, so I just hope-))).
It's like I've got some idea, but can't put it down in words and music still...

...Good old Roots Of Hip-Hop disc. Listening to it makes me feel a bit nostalgic. In fact it had been the first CD I'd listened to. I remember, yes. Then there were Olga Perry, ABBA, The Beatles, Paul McCartney et cetera, but for me the 'CD era' had started from hip-hop.
As for my life in general, it looks kinda odd to me. I like it though. Being friends with Ryu is something different from usual friendship for me. It's not like everyone else means less to me than Ryu, it's just a weeny bit different. What an interesting relationship, really...
I need to get better at guitar really fast instead of writing senseless crap here. But it's like 3 a.m. and I guess the neighbors don't like me practicing much, not that late at night anyway. Ah, yes, something great did happen. I bought myself a guitar. I still can hardly believe it's mine. So I sleep with it. Um, sorry *sweatdrops*.
I'm an optimist, I know.

Hi there-).
Now that I know for shure that there are people who read this it's become a little uneasy to write... Forget it, I just feel utterly flattered.

I've been to the anime party yesterday. More exactly, Animatsuri Afterparty. Never attended Animatsuri itself though. Well, it was the first time I've been to such party, anyway.
It was really funny. There were two j-rock cover-bands. The first one, from Moscow, just didn't sound right. Their vocalist has really, really good voice, but it looked like she didn't have a clue what to do with it. Or maybe she simply wasn't in the right mood. They had some technical problems, which didn't help at all, I suppose. So we - me and Ryu-chan - got tired of them. The second band was from Minsk - they were awesome! They sang Owari To Mirai twice (the second time as an encore). Um, sorry, just one of my fav songs now. When I was going home I happened to be in the same coach as them so I told the vocalist that they did great.

Err, have to go, a skype call, you know... :D

I haven't updated for quite a long time... er, I guess.
I keep pondering over the thought that I won't ever be able to choose between such bands as access and Accept for example. The names sound kinda alike, but the music styles are totally different. And it's only now when I'm beginning to get used to loving both, and not only these.
I'm reading Beck manga. I love it, and I even like Koyuki there (in the anime he looked a dork all the way, and in manga only for the first ~30 chapters or even less). 
Also I tried listening to Beat Crusaders, TYPHOON24 and The Pillows. I like them all, but BC the best. Their music is soul-touching, sometimes even Beatles-like,.. I still don't understand how to compose music like this. Their songs aren't too complicated, but very good arranged.
And our band sometimes seems to be in deep shit, but we'll overcome it. I'm positive about it.

You know, smoking hasa bad effect after all. If I hadn't bought cigs I would have had enough money to buy the notes for the guitar. Phew... I can always download some tabs anyway, why to care about it?
Now I've got Internet in my room. It has just dawned on me recently that I had the cable I needed. Now I have lots of cleaning to do here. And I want some other curtain, not the transparent one.
As if you needed to know all of this :D

There's something I must understand. The only reason why I feel so depressed every night is because I keep doing absolutely nothing and wasting my time. My lifetime. I won't be given a chance to live once more, and so I have to work out that nice habit of practicing every day for at least two hours. At the very least.

Today we (me, Mom and Mom's colleague and friend) went to Vyborg. Ah, does it matter...
I was listening to Iceman today and thinking... Ah, I can't explain.
Plain, plain, plain migraine.

 Kaikan Phrase is definitely worth watching. I keep drooling over Towa/Atsuro pairing, which is meant to be. When T. nearly kissed A... I thought I'd pass out (with a strong nosebleed for sure). But... That blonde! Just kidding, huh? And Dai-chan is straight btw, uh-huh. A perfectly straight guy wouldn't even try out such a thing. And another perfectly straight guy wouldn't be blushing so... so cuuuute!!! *goes all fangirly*

 I'm definitey trying to become some emotionless creature. And certainly I don't succeed. So now I'm sitting on the chair smoking cig after cig and typing crap which is not worth reading (and making a bunch of mistakes).
There are several mistakes I've already made during this week. I had been learning to play the guitar for several hours a day, and never came near the synthesizer. The band's practice is tomorrow. I had been thinking for the whole week that Id just play the synth today. Ha ha ha. I've been feeling sooo depressed and sooo fed up, yeah, how could I play? Very funny. I wonder if I'll ever be able to do what I've got to do instead of fooling around. Anyway, I'm going to make a laughing stock of myself tomorrow. I hate it. Why couldn't I get a grip of myself? 
The one good thing I've done today is a guitar pick which I made. It's a bit too thick but I can play with it, so who cares.

Guess I have to forget about any love life and concentrate on music. That's the way of living I'm used to. I'm not able to combine both anyway.

I'm awfully lazy. Or I need some rest. Can't choose. And it looks like I haven't got a chance to choose anyway now. 'Cause my Mom's got this terrible migraine, so I have to try to keep the flat clean, the family full up, and other stuff like this. I hardly practiced my synth yesterday and I'm not telling you about today. I'm sleepy and I don't feel well half of the time. Yeah, I just keep making up excuses. Maybe the main (and the most truthful) is that I just can't stop thinking about that one certain person and most of the time I'm just spacing out. 

Hi there!
There's such a lot going on in my life. First of all, I am now a member of a j-rock band, we're not even wannabes though. Whaddaya want, only two of us can actually play! But I think that enthusiasm is more important. And if those who can hardly play a couple of chords by not will not improve till winter... well, we will throw them away or I'll quit this band. Doesn't matter much to me. Right now I just need some company and practice, and if things work out I'll think about it more closely. The truth is I'm looking forward furture co-working, but I can't trust people so easily, and I'm not gonna stay somewhere at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom.
The second thing was something that shocked me myself. It was when I realized who I am in love with. I'm not writing it here, but believe me, I had been feeling like shit, having to choose between the two people, to realize my true feelings... And I haven't confessed it to that person yet, and I'm scared like hell, so I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for (quite a?) while. I don't want to ruin our friendship and lose everything, I'd been through such a thing once - but I'm not sure I can be happy this way.
Hmm, guess I'm feeling pretty confident writing this here. Maybe it's because I'm 90% sure that nobody cares, and it would be a good thing, yeah.
Ah, and one thing more. I have to admit that I've absolutely fallen for Gackt. And K. Ito. And Rin. And there also are Dai-chan and Hiro, whom I love the most. Aww, the all are so hot, I can't choose! *nosebleed* But Gackt's Vanilla is definitely something, a great turn-on (and I don't mean the fanservice, honestly!!).

Tabs for Doubt&Trust, tabs for Doubt&Trust... F#cking tabs for D&T!!! It'll probably become the song I hate most, after figuring out how the hell the guitar chords are played and written down. Kewl. And the girl who plays the guitar.. She's only started. We're a right pair!!! I mean, I'm absolutely nothing when it comes to guitarpro. Then, why should I be something? I'm a keyboardist after all. 
And the most stupid thing is that nobody ever asked me to do these tabs. It was me who said: "Yes! Gimme this work! I'll do it, sure!!"
Sure. A good half of the song is tabbed though. But percussion is something I don't understand. I just put down the most simple rhythm and voila.

Wow, it's been quite a long time since I'd posted here. Aww, my English keeps getting worse and worse!
Btw, it looks like I'm a (j?)rock band member now. I was quite surprised, but I like the idea x)). Though we haven't rehearsed yet, so I'm not sure of anything.
I have been working for a month now, but I have to quit my job now. It's not so bad since it's summer and running around the city with three bagfuls of documents is not the thing I love doing most.
And I'm going to go visit some hairdresser, 'cause the last time I got my hair cut was about a year ago (and I had managed to get them cut to a 1,5 cm length and it sure looked awful like hell).
Geez... I had promised to write the tabs for Doubt And Trust. Gotta get to work.

Ну, знаешь, кои номер два..! Я понял, хрен мне, а не кои. Ну и очень хорошо.

Что-то не тянет меня писать по-английски. Только говорить). 
Хорошо посидели с мыльными пузырями. Не всем же с пивом сидеть, в самом деле.
Начал генеральную уборку в комнате. По крайней мере унылое рыжее покрывало заменил на коричневый плед, уже поуютнее. Послезавтра надо дойти до института и наконец забрать документы. Сколько я уже собираюсь это сделать - не знаю, но надо уже собраться.
Хочу пожить недельку в теткиной квартире. Один. С видом на детский садик, спортплощадку и деревья. И никто не будет мне мешать играть. И может я наконец сделаю аранжировки всего, что у меня есть и напишу что-то новое. Отсутствие инета должно стимулировать творческую деятельность. Заодно можно взять с собой Гришковца, которого мне дарили больше года назад, и посмотреть наконец. Короче, надо всего-то ничего - чтобы тетю еще раз позвали за границу.
Надо еще сегодня создать резюме.
Тайм-менеджмент - интереснейшая вещь.